Oh, what will this year bring?

On the show

March 30, 2008 on 7:44 pm | In Paul, Morning Show | No Comments

At the Hotel Mela, we emerged from the shiny, black SUV limo. I was wearing my sunglasses, Paul was looking adorable — we looked like we just might be celebrities and who were we to argue with that? We checked into the hotel and the desk clerk saw that we were with the show and asked us our topic. Paul explained that he wants to pursue being a fighter instead of a college student, then he and the clerk launched into a discussion of types of martial arts.

Meanwhile, being familiar with the size and layout of NYC hotel rooms, I asked if there were two beds in our room. No. Did they book two rooms for us? No. I love the kid but I am not sharing a bed with my 18-year-old son. Can we have a room with two beds? Sure, I’ll give you a complimentary upgrade. Great! Can we have a room as high up as possible? We were in Times Square and the street noise really carries. Sure! He gave us a room on the 16th floor with two twin beds overlooking the street. Gosh, this being a celebrity is pretty good!

We checked into the room, hung up our show clothes, and hit the street. We’ve been watching Andrew Zimmern’s Bizarre Foods on the Travel channel and he’s always claiming that the street food is the best so we decided to put his statement to the test. We had some great food including some things Paul had never tried before, but that’s a story I’ll tell another day.

We were back in the hotel room around 6. I love NYC  but it wears me out. We flopped on our beds and I closed my eyes while Paul channel-surfed. Finally, he reduced his choices to a basketball game and Shrek (the 1st and only one I’ve seen). I opened my eyes for Shrek, closed them for the game. By 8 o’clock, the street food had worn off for me but Paul still wasn’t hungry but agreed to go down the street to the deli with me to get something to eat. I brought a bowl of chicken noodle soup and a bottle of water (total $7) back to the room. Paul ate the crackers and teased me by pretending he was going to eat something from the mini-bar which made the deli look cheap in comparison.

I ironed our clothes so they’d be ready in the morning. We made a plan to get up at 6:30, I’d shower, Paul would shower and shave, we’d pack up our stuff, a limo was coming to pick us up at 7:45. We went to sleep around 10, woke up at 11:30 to loud noise on the street (it must have been really loud on the lower floors), and I woke at 4 full of nervousness and worry. I finally fell back asleep at 5, then, at 6:30, we put our plan in motion.

Surprisingly, once I started getting ready, I was no longer nervous. I can’t say the same for Paul. He tends to get very quiet when he’s nervous and he was uncharacteristically silent. He showered and dressed and he looked good. We had our bag packed and ready to go to the lobby to wait for the limo when the driver called to say she was waiting for us.

Another black SUV. We could get used to this (although I did feel guilty about all the gas the thing used to move us around). We arrived at the studio and a security guard escorted us to the stage door. We passed a line of people who I suspected was our audience. I admit it was kind of fun to have them stare at us to figure out who we were.

Here’s the first big scoop of the day: the green room isn’t green. It’s brown. Kind of a milk chocolate brown. Very calming. There was a little seating area with a TV screen so you could watch the show as it progressed. The seats were filled with women and when we came in, one of the producers asked me if I was there for the weight loss segment.

“No,” I replied, pointing to Paul ”I’m here because he’s not going to college.”

We hung up our coats and stashed our suitcase in storage. By the time we finished, our producer CJ appeared and introduced himself to us. Over the previous week, he and I had talked several times a day on the phone making the arrangements for the filming at the house and our appearance on the show. At one point, we had talked so many times that day, he announced himself as “Hi, it’s CJ, your new best friend” on one call. It was nice to finally meet my new BFF in person. He showed us where the food was: a fruit platter, a tray of pastries, juice, water, and coffee. Paul said he didn’t want anything but I helped myself to the fruit, a tiny roll, and a cup of coffee.

We waited and watched the goings-on: producers dashing around, the weight loss women being escorted one by one into hair and make-up, more show guests coming in, a lot of hustle and bustle. Just as I finished eating, Sabina, another producer I’d spoken to, arrived to prep us for the show. She went over what the procedure would be: we’d be on after the weight loss segment, we’d go onto the stage during the commercial break, Paul would sit closest to Juliet (he didn’t complain about that), then me, then Daniele Wood from Education.com. They’d show our taped piece, then interview us, break for a commercial, then return for more interview. She took us into the studio so we could see what it looked like. It’s so much smaller in person than it looks on the air. The studio audience is particularly small (maybe 30-40 people). The stage area was brightly lit and really, it didn’t look very intimidating. I knew we could do this.

Sabina prepped us on what questions Mike and Juliet might ask, then I got whisked away to hair and makeup. Wow. As soon as I sat down and took off my glasses, the hair stylist swooped a gown over my clothes, then squirted down my hair with a spray bottle. The makeup artist applied lip balm, then quickly studied my face and got to work. She issued instructions as she applied makeup to my eyes: open, close, open, look up, look down. The hair stylist worked at my hair with a blow dryer and brush, pulling it straight and smooth. The makeup artist told me to close my eyes and she spraypainted my face with foundation. Fast, cool, so glad she wasn’t a graffiti artist. She told me to smile and applied blush and anti-blush to my cheeks. Then she applied a lip balm that kind of stung.

“It puffs up your lips,” she explained.

I had an image of Goldie Hawn in The First Wives Club with her grossly swollen lips, and I feared all the make-up might make me look like Nora Desmond, but when I opened my eyes and put on my glasses, I was amazed to find myself looking 10 years younger.

“Oh, I’m so glad I still look like a PTA Mom and not a hootchie mama,” I said to the makeup artist and hair stylist as they ushered me out of the room.

Meanwhile, Paul and Daniele had had their hair done too and had met with Sabina about their parts in the show. The show had started so we settled on the couch to watch the ladies of the weight loss segment. Daniele and I talked about writing books and Paul just stared at the screen silently. Eventually, he and Daniele were called in for make-up, I dashed off to the restroom to pee, and then shortly after, we were wired for sound (the mikes clipped to our clothes and the wires ran to a wireless transmitter hooked on the back of our clothes).

“My lips burn,” Paul said.

“That’s the price of show biz,” I informed him.

We waited another minute and then it was our turn on the set. Sabina ushered us in, introduced us to Juliet and Mike, and settled us in our seats. She told Juliet that my last name was wrong on her note card but that it was correct on the teleprompter. She told Mike that I have an older son who is in Iraq. He made a note of it on his card.

And then, we were on. The music swelled, the audience applauded, and Mike and Juliet introduced the segment. We watched the edited video they had made of us at home. It was pretty good. Funny to see myself like that. I never see myself speak. Does my face really go like that when I talk?

After the piece, Mike and Juliet asked Paul a question or two, then asked me one, then Daniele, and then it was time for a commercial break. During the break, Mike pretended to spar with Paul. Juliet wiped her nose. I pointed our Juliet’s amazing shoes to Daniele and she said she had noticed them right off.

After the break, Mike and Juliet had more questions for Paul and more for Daniele but most of my job was to sit there and look motherly. Being a TV star really isn’t that hard.

Here’s what I was surprised/impressed by with Mike and Juliet: they are both so warm and easy to talk to. Juliet, in particular, feels like a very caring person. During the breaks, they’d chat with the audience, joking around. Although in the interview, Mike appeared to think Paul’s pursuit of fighting was a bad idea, he wasn’t like that at all during the breaks. Both were actually quite supportive. And they were both very professional, skillfully controlling the time and knowing exactly what was going to happen next. Their smoothness made it easier for those of us who were novices.

And then, it was over. We shook Mike and Juliet’s hands, they thanked us, and wished Paul the best of luck. We left the studio. Paul looked considerably more relaxed. We unhooked our mikes and Sabina said we had done well. Paul nodded and watched the monitor. Danity Kane was on. I had no idea who they were but he did and he thought they were pretty cool. And tiny. He remarked that they all looked so much smaller in person than they did on TV. He spoke to one or two of them and was thrilled.

Since we had time before our flight home, Sabina suggested we visit Nintendo World down the street. So we got in our limo and were chauffeured to Nintendo World in our show dress and makeup. Oh baby, we felt like da shiznit.

At the airport, we changed into our normal clothes and grabbed lunch. We waited for our flight home, and then we settled in our normal lives. We watched ourselves on the Tivo and talked about the adventure, so glad that we had this opportunity to, for just 24 hours, play star.

Just so you’ll know we didn’t develop big heads over this, I discovered the tags were still inside my skirt when I changed into my jeans. Yep, I Minnie-Pearled my new Ann Taylor skirt in my national television debut. And Paul? He served a detention the next morning for being late to school so many times. So much for our 15 minutes of fame.